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TAB-TAL Talk about abuse, Talk about love
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Abuse happens across all ages and social backgrounds and with both genders - all people in pain. Much abuse is within families. Maybe we need to talk about abuse to find and address the root cause of why one human being abuses another, and help both. Since my early teens I have wanted to understand what I was experiencing, why it happened and why it was something that could not be talked about. Finding that understanding has been a long journey. Eventually I began to gain the understanding that allows the acceptance and the healing that comes through grieving. A turning point in my journey was when I read my medical notes at the GP surgery. I saw misunderstandings and misjudgements over more than twenty years. This enabled me to put together the pieces of the jigsaw, take charge of the management of my allopathic healthcare and start understanding the short comings in the system when intervening in complex family and social situations.
I wish to share aspects of my experiences. My intentions in doing so are: (a) to encourage others, who are or have been under the sway of those who use violence or exert inappropriate influences, to find a way of ending the secrecy of the burden they carry, and allow their healing to have a chance to begin;
(b) to stimulate
discussions and help change the system so that all types of abuse can be
discussed and dealt with responsibly and with understanding and
compassion. I have been working on my biography which has been a cathartic and healing experience and am currently working on the manuscript with a view to its publication. From time to time articles relating to my interest in TAB-TAL will be included on the Articles pages of this site.
'One problem in much abuse is the tendency of the one who is hurt or oppressed to imagine himself as victim. I'm not saying that victims are responsible for the situation, but that they don't have to take oppression on its own terms. You can refuse to assume the role and, instead, find strength in yourself, no matter how private and internal, to keep from collapsing into victimhood. The problem is that in entering the field of victim you may constellate in others the role of aggressor. ... In the most ordinary situations people want to bind you and give you orders, and often this attitude is entirely unconscious and on the surface kind.' Thomas Moore in Dark Nights of the Soul: A Guide to finding your way through life's ordeals 2004 Gotham Books p105
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