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INTEREST: A FIRST STEP TOWARDS BEAUTY
AND LOVE
by
Thomas Moore
I have known a few spiritual teachers and
psychologists who base their work on this elusive principle of the
soul’s beauty. Their faces light up when you tell them about some quirk
of behaviour or some unusual obsession. They are not numb to pain, but
they appreciate the many ways the soul shows itself from person to
person. They are slow to moralise, slow to diagnose, and very slow to
change or instruct. I believe that any effectiveness I may have as a
therapist comes primarily from the example of these teachers, who have a
wide capacity to consider the manifestations of human life without
requiring immediately that they fit certain norms of health and
propriety.
Don't misunderstand. I'm not
saying we should sit back and enjoy our own suffering or that of others.
That would be sheer masochism and sadism. As Ronald Schenk puts it,
first you see, then you know. First you have to be present to what is
going on, and that requires at least a modicum of interest. You have to
be interested in yourself, almost as an object. Things are happening to
you that you don't initiate, and you have to look at those things
carefully and closely. This kind of self-interest may then turn into a
positive kind of self-love, and that is the beginning of healing.
If you can discover your
essential beauty, in spite of all your problems and imperfections, you
are on the way towards well-being. A preliminary step is simply to
accept yourself with all your failures and imperfections. You must get
the ego out of the way - the thought that you are so exalted that in
your refined state you would be perfect. Acceptance is the beginning of
genuine and honest self-love, a requirement for perceiving your own
beauty.
Seeing your beauty, without
extravagant self-absorption, is the first step in discovering your soul
and eventually giving it the attention and care it needs. This is not so
much a love of self as a love of your more vast and mysterious soul. It
isn't narcissism, but rather the cure of narcissism. First you see
yourself for what you are, then you love your soul, and then you breathe
easy.
You have to see your beauty in
a way that is focused and concrete. You may not be a great athlete but
you may be good at maths. You may not make much money, but you may know
how to live a meaningful life. You may not be highly sociable, but you
make and keep friends. Personal beauty is a soul quality. You appreciate
your character, a few good decisions and achievements, and ordinary
talents, but you don't expect to be completely and extravagantly gifted.
The discovery of your own
beauty - and I don't mean this sentimentally - is the foundation of
well-being. Your beauty is complex. It is not all good and wholesome. It
is not a superficial thing but is the very substance of your being.
Truly beautiful people are not necessarily physically healthy,
emotionally together, easy to get along with, or productive and
successful. Beauty usually requires some imperfection, transgression or
lacuna. The whole of your being, the good and bad, is the stuff out of
which your beauty makes an appearance. A lover may see it. A parent may
embrace it. A friend may struggle with it but love it.
Extract from DARK NIGHTS of the SOUL: A
guide to finding your way through life’s ordeals
by Thomas Moore (2004 Piatkus. ISBN 0
7499 2557 4) p224-5 www.careofthesoul.net
Reproduced with permission of the author
by email 03/12/04 |